Chapter Sixteen

LETTERS FROM ROME

 

 

Communita di Sant'Alfonso

Via Merulana 31

Rome, Italy

 

August 30, 1991

 

Dear Karl,

Greetings from the eternal city.  Rome is really a beautiful city although it looks like a ghost town this month since the natives have gone on vacation.  Even the stores are closed.  It's probably because of the heat.  In a couple of days everything will be  back to normal.

A few days after we arrived, Caloy and I were able to join the Filipino group that went on a pilgrimage to Pagani, Pompeii, and Sorrento.  We visited the shrine and tomb of St. Alphonsus.  I was filled with awe when I saw his room, clothes, wheelchair, pa­intings, sculpture pieces, clavichord and composi­tions.

My language course is going smoothly and I can already speak Italian like a "bambino".  We have just finished the first part (beginner's level) and will be starting the intermediate level next week. Most of my time at present is spent in learning the language.  During my free time I explore the city by foot. I've gone to most of the tourist spots already.  I still have to visit the catacombs. I must have already lost about six pounds after walking around the city this past few weeks.  

As you can see I've been so preoccupied with the language course and touring the city that I haven't come around to answering the letters I received from the Philippines and Berkeley. Your letter arrived the other day and this time, I thought I should stop procrastinating.

I wish to thank you for the support and encouragement.  Please extend my warm regards to the itinerant community and the mission team.

 

October 10, 1991

 

Dear Claro,

Thanks for remembering me on my birthday.  One thing I dread about birthdays is that they remind me that I am getting older. Yes, WE are indeed getting old (you'll also be 37 a month from now).  I can't believe how time flies. We were just barely 14 when we entered St. Alphonsus Seminary -- it seemed that we even didn't go through adolescence-- and now here we are at the threshold of midlife.  Next time we know it, the young men in the congregation will make fun of us as we reminisce about the good old days while being pushed around in our wheelchairs. I can't help but grieve over what I am losing -- my youth, vitality, idealism, enthusiasm, and even my hair.  Still I am thankful to God for the gift of life.  I would like to savor every moment of whatever is left of my life.

I'm doing alright here. I spent the last two months  learning Italian and exploring Rome by foot. Last week I was able to visit the old Redemptorist places -- Scala, Pagani, Materdomini and Ciorani.  We visited the Redemptoristines at Scala and I was amazed to see so many young and pretty sisters. We also attended the first profession of the Redemptorist novices from the Neapolitan, Sicilian and Lisbon provinces.

Classes at the Gregorian will begin next week.  The lectures will mostly be in Italian.  So this is going to be a very tough semester for me. Anyway, I'll survive.

So, all the best. Keep up the very important work you are doing for the vice-province.  I hope will have more vocations this year. Please give my regards to Senen and also to your staff. Advance birthday greetings.

 

 

November 7, 1991

 

Dearest Carol,

Thanks for remembering me on my birthday -- better late than never.  I thought you have already forgotten me.  I've been longing to hear from you.

            Classes at the Gregorian started two weeks ago.  I am taking the following courses:  Vatican II as Encounter of Theologies, Ecclesiologia nel primo millenio, Verso teologia dell'ambiente (ecology-- the most interesting course), Sociologia di religione, L'uso della scrittura nella teologia dogmatica, and Introdu­zione ai padri.  I am also studying Greek and French to complete the language requirement (two classical languages, and three modern languages excluding Italian). As of the moment I'm still struggling with my Italian and I find it difficult to under­stand the lectures especial­ly when the profes­sors speak so fast.

Well, this is not exactly la dolce vita, but I am enjoying my life here. It's not as enchanting as Berkeley but I like the place. Rome is really a beautiful city and there are many beautiful women.         Take care, I'll  be praying for you and for the success of the paper.

 

 

December 5, 1991

 

Dear Cynthia,

Buon Natale! How are you? I hope you're doing well and the children are not giving you a hard time. Is Tony still planning to go Australia?     

I'm enjoying the "la dolce vita" here in the Eternal City. I live with 80 other Redemptorists who come from all over the world-- from India, Sri Lanka, Indonesia, Poland, Soviet Union, Czechoslovakia, Spain, Germany, France, Netherlands, Belgium, Italy, Brazil, Mexico, Ireland, England, Uruguay, Vietnam, United States, Canada, Africa, and the Philip­pines. This is like the United Nations.  I occupy a room on the fourth floor from where I have a good view of the  dome of San Pietro Basilica.  There is a piano in the common room  that I can play regularly. There is also a gym complete with weights, nautilus, stationary bike, rowing machine, and a Jacuzzi pool. Our building is  near the Coloseo and the Circo Maximo where I usually jog.

            In spite of the tight schedule, I still manage to get involved with the apostolate among the migrant Filipino workers here in Rome.  Many of them come to the Centro Sant'Alfonso every Thursday and Sunday.  I usually celebrate mass with them and preach during the novena to Our Mother of Perpetual Help. I'll be conducting the advent recollection for them on December 15.

I was planning to spend Christmas in Ireland but I changed my mind when the Irish confreres told me that this is the coldest time of the year and I won't be able to enjoy my visit.  I'll just go there during summer.  Anyway, I'd like to find out what Christmas is like here in Rome.

The  Christmas season is the loneliest and most depressing time for me. It reminds me of the lonely Christmases I had in the past: inside a prison cell in '73, after my mother's brutal death in '85, being alone in my apartment in Berkeley in '89.  And now even in the midst of this big community I still feel lonely. As Teilhard de Chardin once wrote to a friend: "I have here many confreres, but no friends". What makes me lonely is when I realize that I am totally alone, and there's no one to turn to, and no one really cares about me, and I even have to grieve alone. The only way to overcome loneliness is to reach out to others and to allow others to enter my life.  Easier said than done.  Making friends and developing deep relationships is very difficult.  It means taking risks, even the risk of being rejected, and the risk of falling in love and thus, making a fool of myself.  I hope I can find some friends here.

With regards to my love life, it's zero as usual.  Well, there's someone in my French class that I really find very attractive -- bellisima.  But she will remain one of those  whom I secretly admire and passionately long for from a safe distance (the list is growing).  One of my "weaknesses" is that I am easily enchanted by beauty. I am trying to develop a contemplative attitude towards beauty-- that is, being able to contemplate and admire beauty without desiring to possess beauty.. I'm just playing it safe.  Anyway, I have realized that what I need are true friends, not a girlfriend or a wife. Of course, it would be a blessing to have friends who are also pretty. With my passionate drive it is not easy to be a celibate.  I'm constantly aware of my need to love and be loved, my need for intimacy, my need to relate deeply with others.  I don't want to become a cranky and lonely old priest like some of those I have met.  Nor do I want to be like those who act like Don Juan and finally run off with a woman.  The question that I have kept asking myself is how  can I become a loving and caring person and yet still remain a celibate. The reason why I value my friends so much is that they make me more human, they help me overcome my loneliness and they sustain me in my celibate/religious commitment.

This Christmas I am thanking God for the gift of friends (that includes you). You, Ann and Doy  have been my friends for over 20 years (we're not that old, are we?).  Our  annual get-together over the last eight years have meant so much to me.

Please extend my warm regards to Tony and the children, especially AG.  I pray that God will continue to shower you with His blessings.

 

December 10, 1991

 

Dear Merlyn,

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I hope you are still able to celebrate the joy of Christmas even as you grieve  over the death of your brother Doming.

When Doming decided  to join  the armed struggle, I'm sure you knew the risks that he faced.  He had already offered his life for the cause he believed in (like your husband). He made the ultimate sacrifice and paid the price for his commit­ment. We can only hope that his death was not in vain.

With you I grieve for all the victims and casualties of the war that is going in our country (whether it is called total war or people's war). You have already lost both your parents, your husband and recently your brother.  This war has produced so many widows and orphans on both sides. And the most tragic truth is that this is a war that can go on and on without any victors, only victims.  I don't believe that the government can ever succeed in defeating the NPA with its total war policy.  Neither do I believe that the CPP/NPA will ever succeed in seizing power and install a communist government.  Marxism/Leninism is an ideology that has in practice been undemocratic and ineffective and that is being rejected all over the world (the dramatic collapse of the Soviet Union and Eastern Europe is just the most recent example).  We can only hope that both sides will be realistic and creative enough to stop the spiral of violence and resolve the conflict peacefully. Let us pray that peace based on justice will ultimately reign in our land.

My warm regards and Christmas greetings to my godchild Mark

 

December 11, 1991

 

Dear Karl,

Buon Natale!  May you experience the blessing of Christ's peace in the midst of the continuing war in the countryside.

How's Christmas in Dumingag?  Are the guns silent there during this season? Or will more widows and orphans go through a dark Christmas?

Merlyn recently wrote and told me about the death of her brother Doming in Bonifacio after being captured by the military. Poor Merlyn, she had already lost both her parents and her husband and this time it's her brother. I also got a letter from Sceny telling me about the death of  her brother-in-law and my friend Delfin, a labor leader killed by a policeman in Davao. He used to be one of my contacts with the democratic socialist movement.  The news of death cannot but affect me as the sixth anniversary of my mother's brutal death approaches. The question that confronts me is the same question that many of our people are perhaps asking:  Is it possible to celebrate the joy of Christmas in the midst of death, grief and suffering? I'm sure you, too, cannot escape this question as you soon observe the  anniversary of your father's tragic death. Yet I still believe that the celebration must go on for this is an affirmation of life and hope in the midst of death and a seemingly hopeless situation.  This is what I have learned from the poor after working and living with them through all these years: the capacity to celebrate life in the midst of death.  This I believe is what Christmas is all about.

It is extraordinarily cold here this year.  In fact it is much colder than Berkeley. I am finding it very difficult to adjust to this weather.  My skin has dried up, my face is swollen and I have colds all the time (Caloy and Ben commented that I look like Marcos!).  I seem to have developed an allergy to this chilling weather.  Even the dandruffs have increased and my hair is rapidly thinning out and falling.  My energy level is very low and my  self-healing is not working effective­ly. So I have to use some medicinal cream on my face. This weather is just depressing.  And it's not even the height of winter yet. A feeling that continually haunts me: I'm not as young as I thought I was. Time to let go of youth, accept the inevitability of growing older.  Or better still, see it as the maturing process.

My consolation at present is that I have recently met some new friends.  There's a couple, Edgar and Tina,  who are very kind to me and who often invite me to their home.  Edgar used to be the secretary general of Lakasdiwa in the early 1970s. Later he worked with Louie H. at the Justice and Peace Office of NASSA (or was it AMRSP).  He and Tina were involved in setting up the CPAR (Congress of People's Agrarian Reform).  He is now working with a UN agency based here in Rome, the FAO.  

I'm glad to know that Carol is pushing through with the Mindanao paper. And as a bonus, she is also in love!  I hope that it will work out this time. 

Recently, I've been receiving a lot of mail from friends, from the Philippines and the Bay Area. I've been thinking a lot about the handful of friends that I have and I am beginning to appreciate their friendship more deeply. This Christmas I would like to thank you, among others, for the gift of friendship.  Thanks for being a kind and generous friend, confrere and brother.  

 

December 16, 1991

 

Dearest Carol,

Buon Natale!  I'm sure this is one of your happiest Christmas with all the blessings that you have: the Mindanao paper is finally going to be launched soon, you are in love and you have friends like us.  You must tell me the name of the paper and the name of your dear doctor.  I pray and hope that this time it will work out. And no more talks about  becoming a nun. But take your time, don't make him feel that he is being pursued and pressed to make a commitment. Play hard to get, and let it just develop.  Don't forget to "visualize" yourself and himself living happily ever after (that's not just a fairy tale, I assure you).

I've been receiving a lot of mail from friends lately.  Karl wrote me four times already for the last two months.  La Cubana (Veronica) also wrote from Cambridge twice. I am still tempted to take up her invitation to meet her in Paris this summer, but since I am already studying French here, I don't have any more good reason to go to France.  Some Christmas cards have already arrived.  It's consoling to remember that I am not forgotten. One thing that I have grown to treasure is the gift of friendship.  As I told you once, I have discovered that what I need most are close friends rather than a wife or lover. Friends make it easier for me to live a celibate life.  This Christmas I am thanking my friends for giving joy to my life.  Of course, you are one of those that I am giving thanks to.  My hope and prayer is that may this friendship last for a lifetime, and that I may see your grandchildren.

Ciao, and may the Loving God multiply your blessings and lessen the angst.  May the coming year 1992 be the Year you have longed for.

 

February 1, 1992

 

Dearest Veronica,

Welcome to the 21st century! I can imagine how you feel about your new computer.  It's a pity my laptop computer doesn't have a modem, it would have been fun communicating with you via electronic mail. I'm glad to hear that everything is going well with you at Harvard.

The first semester has just ended.  I've been very busy with my research paper.  I passed with flying colors the written French examination  although I can't speak it well.  Anyway, all I need is to be able to read French theologi­cal books and articles for my research.

Next semester I'll be carrying a heavier load and there will more pressure.  As they say here, "no time for love" and no more la dolce vita. 

Having no one to talk to in an intimate and deeper level can be depressing. There's no one here I can bring to a bar or a restaurant for meaningful conversation and good food as well.  That's what I miss most about Berkeley.  I have to content myself with writing letters and playing my new Russian violin to keep the blues away.

I just remembered that exactly one year ago today, we had our Pax Christi Retreat. What I like about that retreat was the depth of our sharing in the group which helped me deal with my post-traumatic syndrome which the Gulf War had re-awakened. I remember you talking about loneliness and I could feel what you felt.  What I treasure most in my memory is when we went out later that night to Denny's for late dinner and a wonderful conversation.  Today, I feel much better.  The nightmares have not been bothering me for a long time, I can sleep much better and I am no longer afraid of sleeping in the dark alone.  I think the healing process started when I stopped repressing or denying the pain, when I got in touch with my grief, anger and loneli­ness. Being able to share these things with others rather than keeping them to myself helped a lot.

I hope you'll receive this letter in time for Valentine's Day.  Have you found a Valentino already?  This time I won't have anybody to invite out for dinner  on Valentine's day.  Of course, I remember last year when Dennis, you and I celebrated Valentine's at that Thai restaurant. Now all I  can do is live in the past.

Well, I'd better get back to my books now.  Please take care.  Happy Valentine's! May you feel God's loving presence in your life. Ciao!

 

p.s.  I enclosing a poem that I wrote recently. It's for you.

 

 

An Epigram Written Near the Coliseum

 

Outside the bar

near the colosseum

I drink my cappuccino alone

and I  gaze at the stars

above the eternal city

and I see your enchanting face.

 

 

February 24, 1992

 

Dear Karl,

It was, indeed, a pleasant surprise to receive your postcard and the package from Kenya.  I hope the EATWOT proceedings and statements will soon be published.

I just came back from a three-day meeting of MISSIO-AACHEN scholarship holders held outside Rome in Villa Cavalleti, Grotta Ferrata.  It was attended by 27 students from all over Asia and Africa.  There were four of us from the Philippines.  Two of them know you -- Fr. George Carin from Marbel and Selina Unding from Jolo (she is a mestiza Tausog and is Dong Galenzoga's friend and schoolmate at that Institute for Islamic Studies). 

The second semester just started last week.  I'm doing five courses: The Role of the Church in the Economy of Salvation, Il Dio Degli Oppressi, Teologia Anthropol­ogica, Sacerdotale Regale Dei Fidele, and Greek.  The most interesting subject is Il Dio Degli Oppressi (the God of the Oppresed).  It is taught by a Brazilian theologian (Felix Pastor) and it covers Liberation Theology, Basic Ecclesial Communities, Popular Religiosity, and the Vatican statements about these subjects. All these are very helpful for my dissertation on the BECs. 

Even with this heavy load, I still try to find time for relaxation. We've had a lot of celebration at the Filipino center -- Christmas, New Year, Valentine's, monthly birthday celebration.  I am now a member of the band/combo that plays during these celebrations (I'm the organist). We also have occasional get-together with Asian Redemptorists.  Louie, Ben Ma, Caloy, Bro. Kevin and myself occasionally go out for a Chinese dinner.

Recently, I have been doing a lot of reading on narrative theology. One of the major proponents of this theology is John Navone who is teaching at the Gregorian. He argues  that  the narrative or story is the form in which theology is expressed in the Bible. All the kerygma, creeds and dogmatic formulations are based on the Story.  The problem with Western theology is that it has become too philosophical,  abstract and analytical that it is difficult for ordinary people to understand. For us Asians who are trying to develop a theology from the grassroots, the western theological method is inadequate.  Even liberation theology (while the method is based on a dialectics of praxis and the Word) continues to be theology written in abstract prose rather than in story, poetry, parables and psalms. I think the books you have written or edited (Pumipiglas, the Hindi Malilimutan: Symbols During Martial Law, the Pakiglambigit  and People's Option ) are in the right direction as to the appropriate form which theology in the Philippines has to be written. We need to experiment more on this form and get the people from the BECs more involved in shaping a theology from the grassroots. I think the earlier attempts to develop a theology from the grassroots did not get off the ground  because no effective methodology was developed.  Fr. Carlos Abesamis pointed out that the poor have to be involved in doing theology but how they are to do this was not made clear.  I think narrative theology is one form in which grassroots communities can participate in developing theology.  We should not expect the poor to theologize in an abstract, systematic and discursive manner.  What we can do is encourage them to tell their stories in creative ways (encouraging them to create their own psalms, epics, parables, songs, poems, drama, creeds, etc) and  in a liturgical setting.   Our seminars and pamalandong have to become less intellectualized and more creative.  Even the bible-reflections have to become less a sharing of insights and ideas,  more a sharing of their stories and testimonies.  It is through their sharing of the stories about their life and struggles in the light of the Story of Salvation that they will discover God's liberating presence. I wonder if this can be done during this mission. I think we need another Pakiglambigit but this time the authors will no longer be only the members of the mission team but rather the members of the BECs.

This semester I will submit my dissertation topic for approval.  As you already know I am planning to write about the BECs in the Philippines.  I'd like to focus on the ecclesiological statement made by PCP II about the BECs as the realization of the Church as Communion, as a Prophetic-Priestly-Kingly People and as the Church of the Poor. Last semester, I wrote a research paper on the ecclesiology of Communion in the Early Christian Community (Acts 2:42-47, 4:32-35) and how it can function as a model for the BECs today. So that will form a chapter of my dissertation.

As I told you before, I will be in the Philippines for three months (July-September 1992) to gather more research materials.  I haven't finalized my itinerary yet. I will probably visit offices, centers and libraries that have materials on the BECs and I will also do some field investigation.  I am planning to visit the BECs in our former mission areas as well as those GKKs in Tagum (where it all began), BCCs in other parts of the country (Negros, Cebu, etc).  Of course I will also visit Dumingag and Josefina. I wonder if you have any suggestions where I can go and the persons to contact.

Please give my warm regards to the itinerant community and the mission team. 

 

 

Easter 1992

 

Carissima Veronica,

Easter Greetings! May the Risen Lord who turns our mourning into rejoicing fill your heart with joy.

I'm glad to know that you are quite happy at Harvard and that you are seeing a very nice "Harvard Man." Your workload seems to be heavy with your classes at the various schools (of education, law and diplomacy,  and medicine). But don't drive yourself too hard.  Don't forget to relax and have fun.

The landscape here in Rome is changing. It is such a wonderful experience to witness the coming of spring.  The cold winds are gone and the sun shines brightly each day.  The "dead" trees are suddenly becoming alive as the leaves begin to sprout.  And the days are getting longer.  I can now easily go out and jog along the Circo Massimo and the Baths of Caracalla.

A few weeks ago, I attended a memorial mass for Archbishop Romero and the other Latin American martyrs. It was organized by the Association of Latin Americans in Rome and the Pax Christi-Rome. The creative liturgy was excellent and the Church was packed.  The Pax Christi members handed out some reading materials after the mass. At last I have their address. They meet regularly once a week. I hope to join them once my workload is lessened . 

As usual, I am trying to cope  with the academic demands at the Gregorianum.  I am doing five courses, three of which are being taught in Italian, one in English, and one Greek-English course.  I was already enrolled in the German language course but unfortu­nately (or fortunately) it was cancelled. At present, I am writing two research papers.  I am lucky that I am using a computer. Otherwise, I would have burnt out from this "paper chase" a long time ago.

Classes will be over by the first week of June, so I am looking forward to a long summer break (four months!).  I am going to Ireland for a month's vacation. By the second week of July, I'll be in the Philippines for a three-month research work.  I'll be gathering materials for my doctoral dissertation on the Basic Ecclesial Communities.

So long for now.  You are always remembered affectionately in my prayers.

 

June 11, 1992

 

Dear Ramon,

I hope everything's well with you and the Vice-Province.  The school year ended yesterday and this afternoon I will be leaving for Ireland. This has been a very tough year for me -- adjusting to the Italian culture, learning three languages (Italian, Greek and French),  doing a number of courses at the Greg, and preparing my dissertation proposal (it was finally approved a few weeks ago after going through a lot of red tape). So I really deserve a break.

I will be in Ireland until July 4.  Fr. Dan Baragry will act as my "tourist guide" there.  It won't actually be vacation the whole time. the first nine days I will be in Limerick helping out in the Novena and hearing confessions. The last two weeks will be spent going around the green Isle.

I will be back in Rome on the 4th of July and leave for the Philippines on July 8.  I will be in Manila from July 9 to 17, in Cebu from July 18 to 23, in Iligan from July 24 to 31.  During the month of August  I will be  in Zamboanga, Davao and Bukidnon.  I will be in Bacolod the first week of September and will be in Manila the last two weeks of September.  I should be back in Rome by the 6th of October.  As I told you before, the main purpose of this trip is not for pleasure.  I will be gathering research materials for my doctoral dissertation which I will begin writing next school year. The approved title is: An Ecclesiological Perspective of the Basic Ecclesial Communities in the Philippines.  The starting point for analysis is the PCP II ecclesiological vision of the BECs (The BECs as an expression of the Church as communion, as a priestly-prophetic-kingly people, and as Church of the Poor). I'm sure you can give me an insider's view since you were there.

Please extend my regards to the confreres.  See you soon.

 

October 10, 1992

 

Carissima Veronica,

Your letter must have been in my mailbox for the last three months.  I'm so glad to hear from you again.

I was in Ireland during the month of June.  The weather was just perfect and we went all over the green isle.  Can you imagine seeing the sunset at past 10 in the evening. The only scary experience was in Northern Ireland which was like a war zone. Seeing soldiers patrolling the streets reminded me of home.  The IRA bombed the train station in Belfast and we had to go to the next town to take the train back to Dublin.

After my vacation in Ireland, I went home to the Philippines to gather research materials for my dissertation.  I visited many parts of the country.  There have been a lot of changes especially in the political terrain. A very encouraging development is the ongoing peace negotiations between the Government and the revolution­ary forces. They seem to be taking El Salvador as a model for a negotiated peace settlement. I hope that the war in the countryside will finally end.

I got back four days ago just in time to celebrate my 38th birthday.  I can't believe I'm already at the threshold of my mid-life. I know that this a critical period in my life when I'm most vulnerable.

Like you I constantly get depressed and lonely (this is a problem that we have in common). I know that the only way to overcome this is to reach out to others and develop a network of friends. But it is difficult to find friends and to cultivate closer relationships especially in a new and strange place. It is indeed depressing when there is no one to talk to and share our inmost thoughts and feelings.  Loneliness is caused by the absence of intimacy in our lives, and we feel it most when we feel isolated, rejected or abandoned.  We will no longer be haunted by loneliness when we are able to truly give and receive love.

The school-year is just beginning.  I am taking a couple of courses and most of my time is spent in research.  I should be able to defend my dissertation by the early part of 1994. So, I still have two more years here in Rome.

I hope everything turns out well for you this school year.  Please keep in touch.  I always look forward to your letters.  You are fondly remembered in my prayers.

 

October 14, 1992

 

Dear Dan,

I just got back from the Philippines more than a week ago. I travelled with Ramon who came here for a meeting of the commission on the laity.

My stay in the Philippines was very fruitful.  I was able to gather a lot of materials for my dissertation.  I also visited Manny, Karl, James and the  lay missioners in Dumingag.  There has been a lot of progress in the Iligan House. 

I was able to see my father and all my brothers and sisters.  Papa has applied for American citizenship and he is hoping to leave for the US before the end of the year or early next year. My sister Mely will be accompanying him.  Sammy left for California last month and Dodong will soon be joining his wife in New York.  Cely left for Oklahoma last week to work as a physical therapist.  Tingting is working as a seaman on a foreign vessel.  Only Inday (the baptist doctor) and Nonie will be left behind in the Philippines.  Nonie's children are growing fast and John-john is now regularly serving at mass as an altar boy.  He already told his mother that he wants to be a priest when he grows up.

The new school year has just begun.  Senen is finally here studying at the Biblicum and he is already complaining about the difficulty of learning Hebrew.  Ben Ma is still here attending supplementary classes at the Greg. He'll be going home to the Philippines by Easter of `93.

I would like to thank you for the wonderful summer in Ireland.  Caloy and I really enjoyed our stay there.

So Dia Guich, and all the best for the new school year.

 

November 23, 1992

 

Dear Ramon,

Greetings! We're finally settling down to serious study after a very long summer break.  I'm in the process of going through the mass of materials that I gathered last summer, making a biblio­graphi­cal list and construct­ing a tentative detailed outline. I am attending two courses at the Greg: the Kingdom of God (John Fuellenbach) and Spiritual Counsel­ling & Formation (Herbert Alphonso). Ben and I are classmates (he's auditing Fuellenbach's course).  Senen is studying Greek and Hebrew. Even with less than two months into the semester he is already complaining how very busy and exhausted he is.  I've been telling him to take it easy otherwise he'll burn out before the year is over.

Word seems to be getting around that I am a healer. Two weeks ago, I healed a staff member of the Philippine embassy who had been suffering from a chronic pain in the neck and shoulder for the last two months.  After two healing sessions, the pain was completely gone.  The last few months I also healed other Filipinas who were suffering from various ailments (arthritis, urinary tract infec­tion, skin disease, sprained ankle, ovarian cyst, etc.). I have strictly told them not to spread the word around, otherwise, I won't have time for anything else. Just recently a friend in New York who is married to an American wrote and told me that for more than a year she has been suffering from a chronic pain in the neck, shoulder and right arm. She had to stop working. She had already gone to several doctors, physical therapists and even to a psychotherapist but so far she has not experienced any relief. A mutual friend told her about my  healing gift and she is inviting me to New York this Christmas vacation and she will pay for my round-trip ticket and expenses. Can I have your permission to go there?  I know how you feel about us going to the U.S. but this is a special case. I want to help my friend whom I haven't seen for more than ten years. So if you don't have any objection I should be in New York from December 20 to January 10.

Please extend my regards to the confreres.

 

 

December 1, 1992

 

Dear Karl,

Louie brought your letter. I'm glad to hear from you again. 

I read your "mission journal" in the Explorer. I was particu­larly struck when you mentioned the process of listening to the stories of the people in the mission areas.  This is even taking place in the mission team recollec­tion. I wonder if you are making any documentation.  As I told you before, this is a very valuable resource for a theology from the grassroots. How they tell their stories reveal to us how they view reality, how they interpret their experiences, and how they understand God's presence and action in their lives. We have to revise the methodology and process of our bible-sharing, seminars and liturgies in such a way that would enable them to tell their stories in cor­relation with the biblical stories. I wonder if it is also possible for the members of the mission team to make a "narrative report" instead of just a progress/ evaluation report (if Luke was able to write the Acts of the Apostles you should be able to write the Acts of the RMT).  An anthology of personal stories coming from the members of the RMT and the BECs would really make a great contribution. Needless to say, that would be an extremely valuable resource for my doctoral dissertation. This is what is lacking in the existing literature on BECs -- the inside stories on how they were formed and how they are develop­ing. I think this is a project that is worth undertaking and this can be the focus for the next study month after the Dumingag Mission.

Your friend, Larry Kaufman, is doing his doctorate in the Alphonsianum. We went to Assisi recently and visited the basilicas of St. Francis and St. Clare.

Please give my Christmas greetings to the Mission Team, the community and students in Davao.  May the peace and justice that we have longed for become a reality during this season and the coming new year.

 

 

December 15, 1992

 

Dear Carol,

How have you been?  I regret there was very little time for us to have a heart-to-heart talk when I was in Davao. I was very disappointed when you didn't turn up for our lunch date.  It is really different when you are in love -- you forget your friends and you don't even answer their letters (or you are  just too busy beating deadlines).  It just happens that two of my closest friends happened to have fallen in love at the same time  and they could no longer spend time with me last summer or write to me.

In his last letter, Karl informed me that you have a problem with your kidney and will probably go to Manila for a check-up and treatment.  If this is so, I will pray for you that you may experience God's healing grace.

 Please take care of yourself.  Have a Joyful Christmas and a Peaceful New Year.

 

 

December 16, 1992

 

Dear G, (I still have to get used to calling you by your religious name)

Your Christmas card has brought warmth and joy to this cold and dark morning. Today I'm just feeling particularly depressed and gloomy.  It's probably the effect of winter.  Or most likely because  today the misa de gallo starts in the Philippines and this brings back a lot of sad memories.  It makes me remember that exactly seven years ago today, I helplessly watched my mother die after being shot in the head by military men.  And my memories bring me farther back during the early years of martial law when around  this time, I could hear the Christmas carols outside my prison cell while on hunger strike. Christmas is not usually my most joyful season. Yet to celebrate it amid memories of grief, pain and loneliness is an act of hope. And this is how millions of our people who are poor and who are suffering celebrate this season of joy.

It gladdens my heart to hear especially from you.  It's been more than ten years.  You were the most attractive woman I met in Tacloban. When I heard later that you had joined the Poor Clares I wondered how was it possible for someone as beautiful and as intelligent as you to waste the rest of your life hidden in a remote monastery in a "god-forsaken" island visited regularly by storms. You know, I got my answer last month when I visited the tomb of St. Clare in Assisi. It dawned on me that like St. Clare, you must have found Him whom you love.  Unless you have really experienced God's love you cannot give yourself totally and faithfully to Him. Once you have fallen deeply in love with Him who is love, no other man's love can fully satisfy you. The biblical quotation you have chosen for your perpetual profession  card describes this profound experience: "I found him whom I love. I held him fast, I would not leave him". My only hope is that you can still say this at the end of your life when you are preparing to meet Him face to face.

I'm amused when you say that you're so happy that I'm still around -- still a faithful priest. I remember last summer when my sister told me that her friend was very surprised that I'm still a priest  12 years after ordination. Such reaction is expected when we hear so many priests leaving after a number of years in the ministry. You are probably aware that many of the Waray Redemptorists you know have left us.  Fr. Pasky  left in 1985.  He is now working with a farmer's organization and is married with one child.  Fr. Jack, who left six years ago, is also now a real father. Last year Bro. Gil  left and married Gina -- Fr. Claro's  younger sister. The only Warays left are Fr. Claro  and Fr. Carlo.

It is not easy to remain faithful to my vocation especially when I am easily attracted to beauty and I occasionally long for a more intimate relationship. Sometimes I wish I had a son or daughter. There have been times in my life when I was filled with doubts and regrets.  After my mother was killed, I went through a crisis of faith and vocation. I remember being alone in my hermitage up in the mountain of Busay, finding it difficult to believe in God, trying desperately to pray. At that time I was already considering the possibility of leaving the priesthood and joining the NPA if the situation worsened. I asked for a sign from God. One month later, I received news that the members of the hold-up gang composed of military men who were responsible for my mother's death were killed in a shoot-out with the police. After another month, the EDSA uprising took place and Marcos was deposed. Whether or not these events were just pure coincidence, I became firmly convinced of God's liberating presence. I can say that I'm still a faithful priest by God's grace. I am confident that in the years to come, it will be God's loving grace that will enable me to remain faithful to my commitment. You know, one of my deepest desires is to be able to celebrate the diamond jubilee of my ordination.

By the time you receive this letter, I'll be in New York enjoying a White Christmas.  Last month, Flor Marmita (a Waray friend, remember her?) who is now living there and is married to an American wrote and told me that for more than a year she has been suffering from a chronic and debilitating pain in the neck, shoulder and right arm. She had to stop working. She has already gone to several doctors, physical therapists and even to a psycho­therapist but so far she has not experienced any relief. She believes that I can help in her healing process and invited me to New York during the Christmas vacation (all expenses paid). I responded favorably and she sent me a check for my plane ticket. Twelve years ago, I wouldn't have thought of myself as a healer.  In fact I was  skeptical of faith-healing (which I considered as fake-healing).  But four years ago, I  discovered that I have this gift of healing -- the healing touch. I have kept it a secret and used it only in times of emergency.  But somehow, word just gets around. I have healed a  number of people  in the Philippines, in California and here in Rome. Most of the cases I healed successfully were often psychosomatic diseases or stress-related ailments (migraine, arthri­tis, cyst, muscle pains, allergies, skin diseases, hyperten­sion, sinusitis, nervous breakdown, etc). I've often discovered that many of them needed inner healing first before they could be healed physically.